Everything to lose

My level of frustration is very high right now.  My goal a while ago was to meet people that I could be out to.  Now I have pulled back from that and although the urge to be out is very high, I'm afraid of what meeting people and having people accept me might lead to.  I can have a chance at happiness and royally screw up two people's lives or I can live with this frustration.  I wonder if it is even possible to be actually happy like this?  I try not to even think about transition, but it is hard not to.  Would I lose my hair if I went on T?  Would I get chest and maybe even back hair?  What would my chest look like without breasts?  How would people treat me if I tried to live as a man where I am so effeminate?  Would the guy I flirt with at work punch me in the face?  Sometimes I feel like my life is made up entirely of impossible dreams.