This was supposed to be a journal of my journey but there is no journey, just an almost constant level of frustration. There is no moving forward. My husband and I have decided to open our relationship so he can experience intimacy with a real female. Technically it's open on my end but who the hell would I find who could see me for who I really am?
I have a lump in my breast. I've read online that whatever it is, it is unlikely to be cancerous. I have found that it is completely impossible to find the number for the breast screening clinic. You wouldn't think that it would be that hard. I have mixed feelings. I know that if I had to have a mastectomy there is no way that I could have reconstruction done or wear a prosthesis. Well, it's not even a bridge I have to think about burning at this point I guess.
I've been working on overcoming my depression. I heard on the radio that not daydreaming is the key to happiness. I can really see that. I've been trying to keep my mind occupied. So far rock band and cleaning seem to be the best way to do it. It's working a little bit, hard to keep up though. I sure hope that I can.
