I wonder if I am effeminate enough that I could completely be myself and not have anyone even bat an eyelash? Not to the point of wearing women's clothing, I just can't do that anymore at all. Funny how things progress. Two years ago I could wear skirts and I didn't even think about it. Now I get nauseous just thinking about it. I honestly don't get that.
Sometimes things like that make me think that it is all just in my mind. I've been playing a character for so long I worry that this new me is just another character. Everything seems to be changing so organically, some things I don't mind, others I'm not sure of.
I wish that I could put on a dress. I have to go to a friend's wedding and I have no idea what I'm going to wear. I can't go in men's dress clothes. The friend's soon to be husband knows people who know my husband and she's from work and I'm going with someone else from work and it would be really, really bad. So, I'm not putting on a dress but I'll be wearing a women's blouse and I'll be the character once again. It is so hard not being out. And I can't see coming out any time soon. The closest I ever come is telling people that I'm not a girly girl.
