Hmmmmm..... Well there are a bunch of reasons for me to not transition. Any one on their own might not be enough, but added together they make a convincing reason, for me anyway. Not that there aren't times that I think about it.
If I could have transitioned when I was a teen or young adult I think that I would have jumped at the chance. I've had over 20 years of fitting in with the female world. I worry that if I tried to pass all the time (or at all for that matter) I would be constantly thinking of my behavior and whether or not I fit in and am doing it right. Also I am quite effeminate. Not drag queen effeminate, but getting there I suppose. Females absolutely confound me, but to be honest, guys do too. I don't know if that is normal or not for someone in my position, I'm not in contact with anyone else in my position.
Also I have my family to consider. My husband is straight and although he is dealing with this the best he can, he is straight and would not stay with me if I transitioned. I really love him and he is good for me in so many ways I would not want to lose him. I have a preteen son. We live in a working class neighborhood and I wouldn't want to make his Jr. high school years worse for him because his friends might think that he has a freak for a mother.
I have short hair and my boobs are not huge but big and I never, ever, ever pass at all. I prefer to wear sports bras to smoosh things down a bit, but that feels like too much clothes, I can't imagine what wearing a binder would be like. I've also heard that I would have to wear more clothes over a binder to hide it. I have a sweating problem already and have to dress light all the time.
Lastly, fear. I'm afraid of how things would go. There are some effects of hormone treatments are permanent. What if I changed my mind? I'm afraid that I would go bald if I had hormone treatment. Also I can flirt with men now and not worry about being punched in the face.
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