A new day

I feel a little better today.  More comfortable in my own skin.  I also feel more masculine today.  I didn't notice people looking at me but I wasn't in any kind of place where one would linger like yesterday.  I guess today I was more in the 'now' and less in some future when I have no idea what my future will be like.  I posted on Laura's Playground looking for a therapist but no luck yet.  Good thoughts though, they are good people there.  Even if I had the name of someone I could go to, I can't see me going any time soon.  That fear is just too strong right now.  I got a couple more sports bras today.  I really can't see me wearing a binder.  If I lost weight, my breasts would get smaller.  Why can't I take the initiative to do the things that would make me feel better and be better?