Isolation and frustration

My mother died just over 5 months ago.  My transgendered feelings have become much more intense since then.  I belong to a forum and someone on there posted to me that sometimes we keep secrets for other people and I think that is the case with me.  The only people that I was really worried about finding out about my gender were my mother and my aunt, who died a month ago.  I realize now how I have isolated myself.  My mother was my only social contact outside of my home.  We talked at least a couple times a day.  Now I would really like to reach out but I have no idea how.

When I started to try to be a girl in my late teens I developed a fear of the queer community.  The last thing that I wanted to do was meet someone like me who was happy and well adjusted.  I feel kind of bad about that because a friend of mine reached out to me to go with him to a group for young GBLTs and I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  He was pretty messed up and ended up much worse over time.  Now I want to reach out and I have no idea how to do it, or how I might be accepted.  I have one friend and I'm afraid to come out to that person because I don't know how discrete she would be and we work together.  Also some of the people I have come out to in the past have worked really hard to put me back the way I was, or flat out have not believed me.

My isolation has lead to frustration.  I really want to have friends who I am out to and accept me, but I don't know how to reach out.  Funny, I was thinking today that the way I am feeling now, the bursting frustration, is the same was I felt leading up to coming out to my mom.  I don't want to make the wrong move, I don't want to come out to the wrong person and make trouble for myself or my family or ruin a friendship.  Unfortunately, my frustration has leaked out into my job satisfaction and my parenting.  I don't know what to do.  I asked a social worker for help but she got nowhere.  Someone mentioned a group in Ontario that I might contact.  It is very far away but I have to do something.  I could cause myself considerable damage in my present state.