My period/spotting finally stopped. It felt weird wearing my packer with a pad on because it got hung up on it. Plus I couldn't put a pad on with my men's underwear. I'm looking forward to being able to wear them both again.
Sometimes I wonder how much my hormone level affects how I feel about my gender. This new iud has hormones in it. I have noticed a cycle of feelings that correlates with my cycle. Towards the end of my period and to about half way through my cycle the feelings are stronger. Then I get cramps and the feelings lessen considerably. I don't ever feel girly but it gets so much easier.
Looking at women on TV. I so want to want to be a woman. Because when it comes down to it I feel masculine but the amount of stuff that I would have to change about myself to pass as a woman becoming a man would be insane. What would be the point of changing my body to be more myself if I have to become less myself to do it?
Sometimes I consider changing in ways that make me feel more myself. Again I think that life might be easier if I were a lesbian. There was a conductor at the concert. A woman who dressed very manly. Why can't I be more like that? I also wonder how I come across. People seem incredulous when I say I won't wear a dress or makeup ever. Like I'm some kind of normal girl. Sometimes I wish that people could see. Other times I'm glad they can't. There is a line somewhere I guess that to cross it could make my life very difficult. Obviously I'm not there yet. I do wonder if the people I know ever question who I am. I guess my theory is true, as long as I have boobs and have sex with men, I'm normal LOL.
